Congressional Republicans a One Act Play

Congressional Republicans a One Act Play

I wasn’t going to post this because I don’t want to get too political. But then I remembered I already posted Batman in the Age of Trump, so why not?

Please enjoy: Congressional Republicans, a One Act Play

Open on a News Anchor giving a live report

News Anchor: “Good Evening, we have breaking news at this hour. President Trump has made good on his 2016 campaign promise and shot someone on Fifth Avenue in broad daylight. We go now to Republican leaders on the Hill for their reaction.”

………………

Paul Ryan Stands at Podium mid press conference

Paul Ryan: “Look, I’ve said it before, ‘he’s new to this’ He doesn’t know any better!”

Reporter: “Congressman, you honestly believe President Trump has done nothing wrong here?”

Paul Ryan: “Let me ask you a question. When a toddler finds a gun and accidentally shoots someone, do you blame the toddler? Of course not. How is the President supposed to know that shooting someone is wrong?”

Paul Ryan takes out a head shot of Trump

Paul Ryan: “I mean look at that face! He’s just a little scamp. He doesn’t know what he’s doing! Firing FBI directors to impede investigations, lying about wiretapping, shooting people. He’s just getting into another one of his hijinks.”

Ryan looking at the picture, a big proud smile on his face. He starts talking to the picture in a baby voice.

Paul Ryan: “Who’s too adorable to impeach? You are! You are! Yes, you do have a good brain, awww, such a good brain!”

……………..

Reporters catch up to Senator James Lankford as he’s leaving the steps of the capitol building

Reporter: “Senator do you have any comment on President Trump’s recent shooting?”

Senator Lankford brushes the reporter off, dismissive

Lankford: “He was a using a light touch, he barely shot anyone.”

Reporter: “Senator some are calling this attempted murder.”

Senator Lankford stops and looks reporter dead in the eye.

Lankford: “Murder? I hear the victim-er target, might survive, that’s not murder in my book.”

Lankford: “The facts are plain. President Trump pulled the trigger of a firearm. If the bullet then decided to bury itself in someone’s spine that’s the bullet’s business and can hardly be blamed on the President. Besides Who knows? Maybe the guy had it coming?”

………..

John McCain standing in the capitol building facing a news crew

Reporter: “Senator you have been critical of the President in the past, how do you react to his recent alleged shooting?”

McCain: “I find it deeply rubber ducky pencil sharpener big mac.”

Reporter: “…excuse me Senator?”

John McCain looking flush

McCain: “Sorry, I was up late watching a raceball game, laceball game, damn it! Maceball game, er-dementia?”

………………

Back to the News Anchor

News Anchor: “We have breaking news, reports are in that Mr. Schumer, the President’s alleged victim, will survive his gunshot wounds. Now–”

News Anchor listening to his in earpiece.

News Anchor: “Excuse me, apparently, yes, I’m being told there is already a tweet by the President reacting to this news.”

Trump Tweet appears on the screen next to the News Anchor.

News Anchor reading tweet: “Despite so many false statements and lies, total and complete vindication! Did not commit the legal definition of murder! Trump 2024!”

The End….

Dak was an Inside Job

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Hi Everyone! Sorry for the long absence, after the New Year I promise a steady stream of blog posts and updates, but with the recent release of Rouge One, I couldn’t help but share a little piece of Star Wars Fanfic I wrote last year.

This is the story of what really happened in Luke’s snowspeeder during the Battle of Hoth. For the few of you that need refreshes on Hoth check out the links below and then enjoy the real story, the story the Imperialstream media doesn’t want you to know!

Battle of Hoth Part 1

Battle of Hoth Part 2

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dak was an Inside Job

Imperial forces had landed on Hoth and were advancing towards the rebel base. Luke Skywalker hero of the battle of Yavin bordered his snow speeder to once again lead rouge squadron to victory. Victory being making it off Hoth alive. Luke grit his teeth; it was the best they could hope for, you don’t take out the Empire’s most powerful and expensive space station and get away with it. The Empire had struck back, hard.

As the speeder’s engines spurted to life Luke cranked up the heat. He had suffered through the blistering cold of Hoth and had no intention of doing so again. Heating though, was about the only thing these speeders had going for them. Unlike a trusty X-wing, the speeders required a two-man team to operate. Luke, however, didn’t trust any partner save for an astromech. Take Dak the fresh face rookie he had been paired with. Kid shouted some wappa-shit about taking on the Empire all by himself during takeoff.

‘Great way to get yourself killed,’ Luke thought to himself. Sure, Luke had single handedly saved one of the rebellion’s most influential leaders and blown up the Empire’s war winning death machine, but all that had come at a cost. Luke refocused on the mission, barking orders to Rouge squadron over the comms. He didn’t have time for regrets.

Ten minutes in and Luke knew something was wrong. Dak couldn’t keep from bitching, and even tried to steer Luke and the whole squadron off the proper approach vector. At first Luke just thought the kid was letting his nerves get to him, but then Luke noticed his instruments where off and Dak kept on playing with them. Luke shook his head, telling the squad to switch to the tow cables.

“Malfunction in fire control” Dak said panicked, Luke noticed Dak had switched off the cable control and was trying to short-out the speeders engines. “I’ll have to cut in auxiliary” Dak said attempting to cover.

“Malfunction huh?” Luke said focused on the battle erupting in front of him and trying to keep the speeder in the air. The force rippled down Luke spine as he felt Dak press something against the back of his helmet, most likely the rookie’s blaster.

“Yeah,” Dak said trembling.

Luke closed his eyes, he wasn’t looking forward to dying on this moisture filled ball of shit. “Just tell me why Dak?”

“The Empire has my family!” Dak said choking up.

Luke reached down pointing his lightsaber against the back of his seat. “Yeah, well they killed mine.” Luke said. He popped the saber, the blade fired through his chair and speared Dak in the gut. Kid dropped his gun and fell over right as a Walker blast took the speeder down.

………

Later after the battle in finally in a reliable x-wing Luke got an incoming message.

“Luke! It’s Wedge, did you make it out? I saw your speeder crash.”

“Yeah, Wedge I’m fine.” Luke said

“Thank the force! What about Dak did he?”

Luke stared out into the cold dark void of space. “…….”

“Luke come in, did you hear me? Dak is he–”

“He didn’t make it Wedge.” Luke’s jaw clenched, “He didn’t make it.”